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WARNING - this is going to be a ramble. I've been thinking too much today. So don't read this for any inspiration - it's just my life ramblings.....
I've been thinking a lot today - what with the new puppy situation in our family. My life has changed so drastically since moving back to Iowa. I'm feeling a little lost. And although I'm doing fairly well on Atkins, I really have lost myself. I spend so much of my day taking care of everyone else - my parents (I cook most of the meals for them and try to help out in the house), my sister (I babysit for her two kids every day - even if it's only for a few minutes. Or, I am doing something with her to help her get out of the house) and now my brother with the new puppy. The same night he got the puppy, he injured his knee and so he is having trouble taking care of her. So, who do they call - Paige. I mean, what else does she have to do?
I left a life where I worked 50-60 hours a day; I served on three boards; helped to save historic buildings; built a convention and visitors bureau in my town; was appointed to several committees by the mayor; knew everyone at city hall; thought about running for alderman; volunteered for the Red Cross, the Chamber of Commerce, Habitat for Humanity and many other organizations. I was defined by my job and my involvement. I knew our congressman and one senator by name - and they knew me.
And now look at what I'm doing.
I went to the store today - I stopped wearing makeup regularly three or four months ago. I hardly ever wear anything but sweatpants. I can't say that I'm depressed (I've been there before), but I want my life back. And I feel like I'm doing everything I can to do that....but it's not happening. I've never had a problem finding a job before. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. But I want out!!!
Plus, this being overweight thing, doesn't help. When you are going through major changes in your life, it's much easier to go through them thinly (is that a word???). When I weighed 180 I felt like I could do anything. Who is going to hire a 250lb bartender (not that being a bartender is my career choice, but it sure would help to at least have some money coming in again)? People do judge you very differently.
Don't get me wrong. I love the fact that I see my nieces every single day - and I feel like I have missed so much living so far away from them and never having time to come back here. And so that makes me feel guilty for wanting my life back.
I thought that getting a job here and getting reaquainted with my hometown would give me the best of both worlds. But it seems that in order to get my life back I'm going to have to move....and I don't even know if that will help....
Anyway,
Here's what I ate today:
BREAKFAST
1/2 Hardees low carb breakfast bowl - 2C
coffee with hc - 0C
LUNCH
1 brat (that's bratwurst for you, Dave!!) - 0C
mayo and mustard - 0C
small salad with egg, cheese, celery and mayo - 4C
DINNER
chef salad with egg, ham, turkey, red pepper, onion, cheese, avocado, bacon, cukes, spinach and ranch dressing - 10C
SNACKS
cheese stick - 0C
marinated mushrooms (2) - 1C
TOTAL = about 17C
That made me tired. I'm sure it wore anyone else out who managed to get through it, too!!!
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 Comentarios
Boy, you are in a tough situation. It's nice to help your family and all, BUT it's YOUR life we're talking about. You have to do what's best for YOU. You are correct that people judge you differently if you're overweight and it is NOT RIGHT. Sadly it's a fact of life. HOWEVER, you are not in this alone. Just look at the people on this website trying to save their life and health. You are doing something good for yourself by being here! We can help you and you can help us. As far as the other things going on in your life....that's something that you are really going to have to think about and maybe make a move for your own health and sanity! You can always take some weekend trips to visit the family. One thing you might want to do is take a piece of paper and list the advantages and disadvantages of staying in your home town. Sometimes looking at it on paper helps. Good luck to you Hon. I wish you the best in whatever decision you end up making.
30 abr. 08 por el miembro: mbhpro
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So, why did you leave your job? Was it to take care of your family? I am the "go to" person in my family too... I babysit, run errands, answer the phone to whatever it is that one of my family members are calling me for.. it gets tough and sometimes I wonder "why me" ... but I do love em.. I'm sure you're family loves you very much and doesn't mean to "use" you ... they probably don't even know that they are.... OR maybe you have a hard time saying "No"?!?! I know I do. At least you're doing well on your diet.. usually people can't stay focused but you're doing great!!
30 abr. 08 por el miembro: lorik
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Hey Paige, sorry you're going through a rough time. You've got a lot of times on your hands to think about the best option for you, I'm sure you'll figure out something. Maybe you could move to the next largest town and visit often like mbhpro suggested. Don't worry about your family, they were getting along okay (I think) before you came back, they can do so again.
30 abr. 08 por el miembro: kimbulie
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One of the hardest things to do is say "no" especially to family. Maybe you should start defining something you want to do for yourself, set it on your schedule/calendar and stick to it. Be prepared to tell someone no, you have something you need yo do. You have to make time for yourself, I am sure your family doesn't even realize how everything adds up, but if you don't say no, don't have your owm plans & errands, most families will take advantage, maybe unaware that they are, of your time and willingness. Good Luck making some space for yourself! I live in my home town and it works for me. Make that list of advantages & disadvantages, see what works best for YOU!
30 abr. 08 por el miembro: dwhummers
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I don't know how long it has been since you've moved back, but when my mom and brother moved into town (they moved to be near me) it took some adjustment at first. It takes about a year or two to re-establish your life even if it is a move back to your home town. Give it some time and set some boundaries. You'll find your life again soon.
30 abr. 08 por el miembro: sararay
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Thank you very much for all your support and comments. I have a lot of thinking to do....
30 abr. 08 por el miembro: Paige E
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I am sorry you are going through so much. I know that you will find a job soon... and things will get better. As far as your family goes, can you make plans for at least 1 day to have to yourself? I am a stay at home mom, but I need to do this too, to keep my sanity. I take one day to go do what I want to do. Maybe go for a really long walk, and just take "ME" time. Maybe explain to them that you want to take 2 days a week to look for jobs, turn in resumes, and get your life back in order. I know it must be hard, but I think you will get through this!! GOOD LUCK TO YOU!
01 may. 08 por el miembro: Leah22
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Peso Histórico de Paige E
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