Diario de caged liberty, 21 ene. 09

Needed some loving so there is only one place I know where I find that...my friends here at fat secret.

For the past few months I have been feeling lousy. Most of my symptoms seem to mimic pregnancy such as nausea, backache, uterine cramps and fatigue. To make things worse, I had to let my housekeeper go recently because she wasn't maintaining a reasonable standard since I hired her six months ago. So my fatigue and pain hasnt allowed me to clean the house so I am desperate for help.

Today I was in the middle of interviewing a housekeeper
when the phone rang. It was my doctor on the line and I knew something was wrong. Doctors use the office staff to pass on trivial messages like "Your tests were negative". So the doctor calling herself meant something had come up on some reports.

I had to have an emergency appointment with my doctor last week because the pain was so unbearable and she ran a bunch of internal exams and ultrasounds etc..

It turns out that I had a ruptured cyst and have another cyst on my cervix. That would explain why I felt like I was dying last week but seem to have improved since then. Coincidentally, my sister law also suffered a ruptured cyst two weeks ago and was rushed to ER. I cant believe that I managed to endure such pain.

So I have to go in Feb for a D&C to clean out my uterus and have another ultrasound to see if I still have pelvic fluid in another couple of weeks.

The only thing I could think of when she told me was redemption and relief. Redemption because my hubby and bratty 12 year old daughter have both accused me of being a hypochondriac. (I have so many ailments that I am like a walking medical encyclopedia of conditions. But all my conditions have been diagnosed by doctors, not something I am conjuring up for attention or something.)

I felt relief because finally I know what the problem is. I kept asking the woman doing the ultrasound.."Do you see something..do you see something?" and she said.."Do you want something to be there??" I replied..."Well yes and no. I would rather that I had no problems but if you dont find something..it means I will still be undiagnosed and that isnt good either."

The possible diagnosis for endometriosis is still on the table because cysts, uterine cramps, back pain, irregular periods are all symptoms of it but they are not going to do anything until other symptoms are ruled out.

I am able to move around but cant stand for longer than 15-20 mins without my back pain getting unbearable. In fact, as long as I am sitting down, my pain is bearable due to the painkillers and muscle relaxants I am on, but sitting down all day is getting annoying as well and my muscles are getting weaker, making things harder and harder to do. My house is a complete mess and now I am searching for someone to help me out with the house because the kids and hubby are not helping at all.

Sorry..I just felt I needed to share this with someone. I have no family in America and I just feel like I needed to talk about this because right now the only person showing any support is my teenager son. I am not going into a state of depression or anything..just felt a bit down about my family's lack of physical and emotional support in my time of need.

Ok..got that off my chest..now back to smiling again...because its not the end of the world...knowing the problem is half way to a solution so at least my doctor will have a better idea of how to help me out now.