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It is really nice to be excited about life again! Each day gets better for me. Today I took inventory after my session with Erin; I truly have to say that I am actually proud of myself (for a change, right?), and I am becoming more energized as each day dawns.
I keep thinking of things I want to do, goals and dreams I let die a long time ago. I want to play sports again. I want to be able to run again, and maybe, just maybe, even a mmmm..... mar.......arathon eventually... well maybe a half one. But nearer on the horizon are numerous smaller goals such as being able to buy regular clothes, to fit in an airline seat without getting those horrible nasty looks from others, to be able to sit on the floor and to get to my feet without a huge struggle, to reduce or eliminate blood pressure meds. Each of these are little things that when combined make up a big chunk of my being, and have a direct impact on how I feel about myself.
I was really good at hiding the pain, and shame, and guilt, and anger, and fear and frustration I had all bottled up inside of me from the world most (but not all) of the time. However; the cognitive distortions that I was constantly practicing had a habit of rearing their ugly little heads at the most unpredictable and undesirable times, and when they did there were enormous negative repurcussions that left me feeling even worse about myself than before, and thus sinking back down in the black hole of depression again.
It is wonderful to feel alive again, to be able to believe in myself again. It is satisfying to think about how the positive turnabout in my thinking is due in part to the large amount of hard work in our sessions, even as ugly and nasty and crappy as it might have felt at the time. And all the while my inner being, full of distorted beliefs and loathing of itself was being drug inch by inch into the light kicking and bitching and screaming!
Exercise, weight loss and a healthy eating plan is only a small part of the picture that make up a "me", but now as I reflect upon it further I feel that it is so important to the success of the other areas of self improvement and realistic cognition; i.e., if you do not feel well due to a lousy diet and lack of exercise, yo' mind ain't gonna be right brotha! A year ago I believed my life was over, I was defeated, burned out, tired, in great physical and mental pain, and sad a lot of the time. I don't know that person anymore. I now know the best part of my life lies ahead of me; and trust me, that realization was hard to come by.
How far I have come... I actually have joy for life again. Lately I often feel like doing the Rocky thing up the steps of a museum somewhere with that damned song playing somewhere in the background. Has it been worth the pain, fear, tears and anquish? Sistah you'd better believe it!!! Is it is a work in progress? Yep, and it always will be, and I will never forget that.
What a difference! Yay for me!
I'm outta here... must get up early and hit the gym. :O)
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1130 kcal
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Grasa: 31,93g | Prot: 50,50g | Carbh: 171,32g.
Desayuno: banana, Nature Valley Bar Peanut Butter, half and half, coffee. Almuerzo: Kraft Light Mayo, rye bread , Dill Cucumber Pickles, Lite Swiss Cheese, Mesquite Smoked Turkey Breast. Cena: sugar snap peas, peppers and onions stir-fry, Brown and Wild Flavored Rice, grilled boneless loin pork chop. Pasa Bocas / Otros: Slim-a-Bear 100 Calorie Bars - Chocolate Fudge, 37% Light Buttery Spread, rye bread , Florida Naval Orange. más...
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4286 kcal
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Ejercicio:
Trabajo de Jardinería (Jardinería) - 2 horas, Durmiendo - 8 horas, Descansando - 11 horas y 55 minutos, Caminar (Moderado) - 5/kph - 20 minutos, Estiramiento (Yoga) - 15 minutos, Circuito de Entrenamiento - 30 minutos, Tareas del Hogar - 1 hora. más...
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