Diario de didjakno, 11 sep. 08

Your journal is very worrisome today! Please try harder to get the fuel and nutrition your body needs EVERY DAY! And if you can't do it yourself, maybe it's time to get help with that. You said it yourself "although I was starving". That's exactly what you're doing to your body, and you will NOT get the results you are looking for. Eating is for living. It's not something to be scared of. You need to find a way to understand that and implement it! Hugs and my very heartfelt wishes for you to find a healthy relationship with food. 

Honey you have found a sure fire way to have your body attack your muscle and bone PLUS shut your metabolism down. None of these are good things. If you are afraid to eat as you say perhaps you would benefit from speaking with a therapist?? What you are describing are the symptoms of anorexia and I would hate to see you suffer that way. Please be kind to yourself and nourish your body. 

Hi Didjakno, I want to say firstly, that I understand - and I'm not about to preach - but, hopefully I can offer some support by sharing my past with you. Also, I think it's a great sign that you're aware that you're not eating well lately - a really good sign (& starting point) if you do struggle with anorexia. I'm almost 40 - when I was 19 I admitted myself into treatment for anorexia/bulemia. I was in a hospital for 3 months - (it was a new program, so as the starter group, we had a longer stay than normal)... It was an absolutely terrifying decision, but to this day, I am SO glad I did it. Anyways, important facts - The disease we share will forever be with us (you probably know that already). AND, They say the recovery rate for anorexia is very low, but I'm here to tell you that I, and others from my treatment group 20 years ago, are still in recovery - So, you can do it:)WITH help. (Holy crap - 20 years?!?) I find it's necessary for me to constantly pay attention to my inner thoughts - it's a great way to notice my 'red flags'... The many many things that go on in our eating-disordered brains that really are delusions(& that's ok)... ok, but a pain in the neck;). Some examples: - when I'm critical of my body. - when I get upset with myself for eating the 'wrong' thing (or nothing). - when I get angry with myself for weighing the 'wrong' weight. - when I look in the mirror and I believe I grew fat overnight. - etc.. When I notice I'm being hard on myself, I now know that it means something else is going on with me - that I am not happy with something in my life/my heart. Before I got help, I thought all women (esp. the thin ones) felt & thought about themselves the way I did - it was just normal to me. Not so. It was absolutely vital for me to accept that my interpretation of food & my physical appearance is warped, and will never be normal. With that acceptance, I have been able to manage a healthy pattern of eating. Over the years, I have remained concious of food choices - it becomes a habit eventually - it gets easier, even enjoyable... But first, I had to get help to make peace with myself - I didn't know how much I needed help/guidance. Don't be hard on yourself, and if you feel so inclined, allow yourself to investigate options to let someone help you start healing. p.s. I liked that the program I was in had multiple therapy methods - not just nutrition oriented...I believe that was key to multiple success stories. We can buddy-up if you wanna... don't worry, I'm not always so intense:) Good Luck!