Diario de lotus2009, 11 dic. 10

So sorry you feel so bad today! I'm sure every thing happens for a reason and I'm sure you have better to come! Maybe god has a better person for you and you just need to hang on in there! I use to think the same way as you and pray when my husband left that he would come back and thought I would never love or be loved by anyone else, but I was so wrong! God had other plans for me and they included Andrew! Andrew is the best man I could have ever met! And between you and me and the people that read this I met him from the internet! I was very careful to stay safe when I did meet him but it was the best thing I ever did! We are so happy together! I was on my own for 9 years feeling how you do now but looking back I needed that time to learn to love myself and get to know myself! Looking back now I really don't know what I saw in my ex and the thought of being with him makes me cringe! Please get some help and talk to a professional as I am really worried about you! Just believe that things get better and I'm living proof of that! 

Please give yourself more time than six months. You are so worth it. As Leanne said God will send you someone that you deserve. Talk to someone and all of us here are so willing to help even if it is just on this site. Take care of YOU Bren 

Oh Lotos, I am so sorry you feeling so down...Please keep the faith, you speak of your love for God, use that faith to give you strength, you cannot control anything but your own reactions not anyone else..You are so young, and have so much to give, don't give up on yourself, no matter what happens with this man...I will pray that you find inner peace. Take care of yourself and like Bren stated use us, we are here for you.  

You have us Lotus and we are real feeling people. If you did something to yourself the love I have for you would kill a big part of my heart. I cannot tell you how to feel, I have no control because if I did I would ask you to find someone to help you with your thoughts and get you to a better place, someway, somehow...My heart feels heavy right now as I am feeling fear right now. Please, Please stay with us and do not leave. Love you Lotus, TOWANDA!!!!!!!!!! 

Sometimes my heart wants me to think you are a college student doing a social experiment because your feelings are hard to accept. I don't know what to do as I feel your pain. Please find your way and know this life with its trials and tribulations is valuable. Love you, Lisa, Towanda!!!!!  

Lotus, I know that it hurts so much right now. There is nothing that I or anyone else can say to make that go away, but I know that it will get better....time is what you need to give it. Often times when things look the darkest, it is right before they get better....and I am not necessarily saying that means he will come back, but that your life iwll get better. 30 years old is so young, and you have lots of time to find the man that will take care of you, love you, marry you, and cherish you the way that you deserve. Please talk to someone....you are much to precious to be even thinking about ending your life. God loves you, you are His most precious child, and ending His most precious gift to you, life, would hurt Him. Continue to pra for God's will to be done, and for the Lord to lift you up and grant you peace and happiness. And with getting your business up and running, you will be busy, and that will help alot. Take care, and know that I am praying for you everyday! <3 and hugs! 

Mccmad,Thank you very much for comments.They are really helpful in this painful time...I'm trying to learn from your experiences but I don't want any 'better' man,I want this man.I really love him with all my heart and want him to come back..  

Bren...I dont want 'someone' I want him...My parents are trying for an arranged marriage for me for many years now,but I love him so much that I kept fighting and refused every proposal...Thank you very much for your comment... 

Raven thanks a lot for your concern.I feel like 60 in my 30yrs.Life is so difficult.Please pray for me. 

Lisa you know me better than anyone here and from my mails to you,you know many things about my personal life.Tell me how can I be calm when the last hope of my life is going away from me?I don't have anything in this life,other than him...Please pray that he comes back to me...It all feels so heavy...Too heavy to carry. 

Stef,thank you for continuous support.Sadly I don't want any other man to love me and give me things.I want this man,not anyone else...Please pray that he comes back.I'm really paining.On top of my all other problems,his sudden decision to leave me is like a thunder bolt on my head.Please keep praying for me.I'm in pain.